This just in from Internet News headquarters, where our motto is: If it’s news; it’s news to us.

Dateline Anywhere USA; maybe even Your Town: This just in…the world’s gone mad.

Ok, that’s not so new; but did you know that we have a special guest in studio with us today for our IN office potluck every alternate Monday. Why it’s none other than everyone’s favorite brother Yuni Versalism.

Just because you don’t know, Yuni is the host of the reluctantly read, and very widely ignored, program Name That Tweet, which rarely appears at the extremely Emergent disapproved Apprising Ministries website.

*Syrupy Announcer’s voice* Hey, As-Salāmu`Alaykum and Namaste gang! I’m so happy to be here, and not certainly there; I have a li’l quiz for you. Ok, now for your chance at a postmodern un-prize.

Who is responsible for encouraging “Protestant” Purpose Driven Pope Rick Warren to expand his Net presence and to start a Twitter account from which to share more about his pragmatic purposes?

Entering paradoxical mystery, perhaps I might ask you, was it:

A. John MacArthur

B. Doug Pagitt and Tony Jones

C. John Piper

D. Ryan Seacrest

If you said C. Dr. John Piper, you win a bag of slightly used Doritos left over from last year’s IN family picnic.

O,’tis true, ’tis true ’tis pity, And pity ’tis ’tis true:

(Online source)

Speaking of Doritos, you be sure to watch out for that persnickity Doritos cheese guy, and also for all those church potlucks or picnics; because bubba, they’re real soul killing fields. I mean, who knew!?!

Turns out Dr. Daniel Amen that’s who. Amen has become known by some as “the man who conquered the brain.” Ah—ok, we kinda just made that up. But you know, it does have a real neat ring to it, no.

Amen happens to be one of the gurus enlightening folk at The Daniel Plan of Rick Warren, hearty captain of the tumescent ship Saddleback. Rumor has it that this farce photo is alleged to be after Amen’s session:

Be that as it might not be, unless it isn’t, in his time at Saddleback the other day Dr. Amen was speaking on the importance of motivation for punctilious brain health and to be willing to purchase his many materials.

In this IN Exclusive appearing below, our *ahem* at large reporter recorded the following pearl of wisdom as it unfolded from the Mind of Amen concerning the deadly soul-killing fellowship of our local churches:

“My being here today is an answer to prayer,” Dr. Amen said. He then mentioned that while he was writing his new book he went to church and saw “hundreds of donuts, bacon and sausage cooking in the kitchen, hot dogs cooking, ice cream socials advertised.”

“They have no idea they’re sending people to Heaven EARLY! So many churches in America are KILLING the people with the food! Potlucks, etc. are damaging health—it begins to kill your soul because they are connected.”

Oops, do accept our apology that this report is cut off so abruptly; but the burgers, hot dogs, and sausages on the grill are almost done, and the delivery of the gooey baked goods and ice cream has just arrived. See ya…

See also:

WISDOM FROM THE DANIEL PLAN OF RICK WARREN

RICK WARREN AND HIS DANIEL PLAN

RICK WARREN WANTS YOU TO DEVELOP YOUR ULTRAMIND